“Please. Just get me out of here…”
It was the constant mumbling I had while sitting in rush hour traffic exiting Houston, the only focus I could muster. The feeling was unbearable; like a bird about to be released from its cage. I was ready to fly. I counted every mile ready to escape the gravity of the city, ready to escape from the monotony, the routine, the grind. Once I was out the weight that I felt release from my mind was euphoric.
“Nothing can keep me down now.”
I was free and no hurdle would change that. The experience of shedding all my supposed responsibilities and “this is what you should do’s” is indescribable. Life always has a way of keeping you grounded though. Payroll snafu’s and a litany of other occurrences gave rise to questions about my ability to follow through. That’s when the full impact of how much has changed really set in.
I don’t want this to be like other travel blogs. The ones where you only see the best pictures or hear only the highs of this perilous leap. This is real. This is my life. There will be moments of doubt and despair that litter every victory, and I want you to see that along with me. I want this because I want anyone that is inspired by my writings to know what to expect and what to avoid because I don’t have a ton of savings, or an amazingly redone van that has all the comforts of home (although I wish I did).
What I have is a determination to fulfill this dream. A desire to readjust whenever necessary in order to accomplish my goal no matter what happens, or who tells me I can’t. I haven’t even fully began my first leg of this trip and already there have been issues. I planned to leave with a few thousand dollars to my name in order to focus as much time as possible to just travelling and writing. Now I’ll be leaving with a grand at best. That change I mentioned earlier is where this all kicks in. Normally, I would have reconvened, stayed for a while, and worked to reach my goal before setting out. Now I realize I have to capitalize on this momentum for as long as possible. Making due and making sacrifices in order to reach my destination.
It won’t be pretty, but I’ll be damned if I stop now, and that’s what this trip is about. Fully realizing who I am, finding and building my strengths, and making sure my only train of thought is on moving forward. My trip officially begins on Wednesday and I am nowhere near prepared. As my father told me the other day, “this is your sink or swim moment. You don’t get the luxury of a safety net anymore.” This harsh reality has had to set in. I could lose everything, I could even be killed. It’s a terrifying thought, but fear can be the greatest motivator if you channel it correctly. My life is held in 100 pounds now and there’s no turning back.
The impact of testing your mettle against the world will change you from the ground up. Your thought processes, how you plan and analyze a situation; all of it. I can feel the differences in myself so greatly over who I was even 6 months ago. I’m still so fresh into this new path of my life and I’ve never felt more confidant in my ability to realize my dreams. Finally I am no longer running away from life, but instead sprinting towards it with all my strength.